Life Lessons and Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Author:Gary Chapman [Chapman, Gary]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2021-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

A Giant Step Forward

Karolyn and I were married for twenty years before I discovered the five love languages. We had worked through the pain of the earlier years, and both of us would say that we had a good marriage. During this time, we had two children—more about that in the next chapter. Life was extremely busy. Finishing my graduate studies and then involvement in ministry was time-consuming, but enjoyable. However, when I discovered the love language concept, our marriage took a giant step forward.

The 5 Love Languages book was published in 1992, but I discovered it ten years earlier. I had used the concept in my counseling, taught it in marriage classes, and applied it to my own marriage before I ever thought of writing the book. I knew by this time that learning your spouse’s love language would greatly enhance the emotional climate in the marriage. I will never forget the first time I encountered the reality that what makes one person feel loved does not make another person feel loved.

The couple came into my office. I had never met them. I found out they had been married to each other for thirty years. The wife began by saying, “Let me share a little bit about us before we start. We don’t argue. We don’t have any money problems.” She proceeded with several more positive comments, and I was beginning to wonder: “Did they come in to tell me what a good marriage they have?” But then, she started crying and said: “The problem is I just don’t feel any love coming from him. We live in the same house, but we are like roommates. He does his thing, and I do mine. There is nothing going on between us. I feel so empty and don’t know how much longer I can go on like this.”

When she finished, I looked at him, and he said: “I don’t understand her. I do everything I can to show her that I love her, and she sits there and says she doesn’t feel loved. I don’t know what else to do.” So I asked, “What do you do to show your love to her?” He replied, “I get home from work before she does, so I start the evening meal. Sometimes I have it ready when she gets home. If not, she will help me. We eat, and then I wash the dishes. Every Thursday night, I vacuum the floors, and every Saturday, I wash the car, mow the grass, and help her with the laundry.” I was beginning to wonder, “What does this woman do?” It sounded to me like he was doing everything. He continued, “I do all of this because I love her, and she says she doesn’t feel loved. I don’t know what else to do.”

I looked back at her, and she started crying again and said, “He’s right. He is a hardworking man, but we don’t ever talk. We haven’t talked in twenty years. He is always washing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, mowing the grass, or walking the dog.

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